Episode 14 – Triumph In The Face Of Fear
Hello and welcome to the show. Today I’m going to talk about experiencing your fear, but taking action anyway. As you go along your journey from where you are now to be you actually want to be you are going to have to confront your fears, I’m sure you have in the past in some small way. Fear is a natural feeling. It’s always going to unveil itself when you start a new project or put yourself out there in some way.
Unfortunately fear is what makes people stop taking the necessary steps to achieve their goals. On the other hand, successful people take that fear, experience it, take it on board, but they don’t let it stop them from moving forward and taking action steps towards what they want to achieve. Fear needs to be acknowledged, experienced and taken along for the ride.
Author Susan Jeffers once said: “they have learned to feel the fear and do it anyway”.
What stops us from taking action, is limiting beliefs and fear as well as habits that we have been conditioned t do over time. All fear is self-created by imagining something in the future that hasn’t happened yet. In my workshop training I get participants to sit opposite each other and say “If I weren’t afraid I would”
So I weren’t afraid I would ask my father for a loan
- Make 5 cold calls a day to targeted businesses
- I would take a week off from my busy schedule and go to Thailand
- Sing my new song in front of people
- Enroll in the course I’ve been thinking about
- Ask my boss for a promotion
- Ask my boss for a pay rise
The purpose of this exercise to have them get in touch with their fears and what they would do if they didn’t have that fear so that they can see the value of moving through their fear.
Some people will do anything to avoid that uncomfortable feeling of fear. If you are one of those people you are running an even bigger risk of never achieving what you want in life. Most of the wonderful stuff that you want involves taking a risk. Now, of course, it is possible that the risk doesn’t always work out. People do lose their business, people do lose their jobs, people do die in accidents. But as the old adage says: “nothing ventured nothing gained.”
The only way to find out if you can do something is to ACTUALLY DO IT. It may take a little trust, but the only way you will ever find out if you can fly solo is to experience your fear and take the leap and trust that you will be okay.
As humans, we have evolved in such a way that now, almost all of our fears are now self-created.
We get scared by fantasizing negative outcomes to any activity we might want to pursue.
Luckily we are the ones fantasizing, but we are also the ones that can stop the fear and face the actual facts, rather than giving in to those false images and visions that we see. We can now choose to be sensible. Psychologists say that fear means:
I want to now help you understand how we all bring this unfounded fear into our lives. What I want you to do is make a list of things you are afraid to do, just remember this is not a list of what you are afraid of, for example being afraid of spiders. But being afraid to do, such as picking up a spider.
So you might say, I’m afraid to:
Make a speech in public
Cold call businesses
Ask someone out on a date
Once you have written out your unfounded fears I want you to go back and restore each fear by using this format:
I want to _______, and I scare myself by imagining_______.
The keys words in this statement are I scare myself by imagining. What you are doing is imagining some negative outcome in the future, but it’s self-created!
So using some of the fears I’ve just mentioned, the new format would read like this:
I want to skydive, and I scare myself by imagining that my parachute fails and I will fall to the ground.
I want to ask Jenny out on a date, and I scare myself by imagining that she will say no and I would feel embarrassed.
So, can you see now that you are the one creating the fear?
The celebrated American Author and Humorist, Mark Twain once said, and I love this quote: He said,
“I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened.”
Can you see how it’s all in your head? Your fears are lying to you! They have been lying to you all this time!
I love travelling but I have a small fear when I’m travelling on a plane. I don’t like unusual sounds and the bumpy air pockets the plane goes through and when the pilot puts the seat belt light on because there’s going to be some turbulence coming up soon. Also, I don’t sleep well on planes so what I do is do a lot of meditating while I’m on the plane. I will imagine landing safely at the destination, I imagine walking through the streets, going to major attractions, travelling in the hop on hop off buses, tasting the local food, buy some souvenirs and new clothes.
And it really helps to calm me down, knowing that I am going to land safely. So what I have done is replaced the catastrophic picture in my mind with a positive image of my desired outcome, and instantly my fear disappeared. So you can use this same technique to disappear any fear that you might ever experience.
There is a great technique you can use for relieving fear, and that is to focus on the physical sensations that you are currently experiencing – the sensations you are probably just identifying as fear. Then what you do is focus on those feelings you would LIKE to be experiencing instead – like courage, self-confidence, joy, calm.
Next, I want you to fix the two different impressions firmly in your mind’s eye, then slowly shuttle back and forth between the two by spending about 15 seconds in each one. And what happens is in a minute or two, the fear will dissipate and you will find yourself in a neutral and wonderful centred place.
If your fear is that strong that it is paralysing or immobilising you, there are steps that you can take to break down the tasks. Start working on smaller challenges and then gradually work your work way up. So, for example, if you’re anxious about taking on new responsibilities at work, you can start by asking to take part in small parts of a project that you’re interested in. If you are learning a new sport, you will start with a lower level of skill, so you’re moving through your fears, and then take on bigger challenges.
Now, if you have a full-blown phobia such as fear of being in an elevator, fear of flying or agoraphobia, the fear of being outdoors, there are solutions to most phobias. The Five-Minute Phobia Cure, developed by Dr. Roger Callahan, is easy to earn and can be self-administered as well as facilitated by a professional. The process uses a simple but precise pattern of tapping on various act-pressure points of the body while you simultaneously imagine the object or experience that stimulates your phobic reaction. It acts in much the same way as a virus in a computer program by actually permanently interrupting the “program” or the sequence of events that occur in the brain between the initial sighting of the thing you are afraid of (such as seeing a spider or stepping into a lift) and the physical response (such as shaking, sweating or weak knees), you experience. Unfortunately, Dr. Callahan passed away in 2013 however, his wife is continuing his work in this field.
HIGH INTENTION….LOW ATTACHMENT
We all want to go through life in a peaceful and calm manner. To do that we need to have a high intention and a low attachment. You do everything you can to create your desired outcomes, and then you let it go. There will be times where you don’t get the result you want by the date that you have set. That’s life, as they say. You just keep moving toward your goal until you get there. What happens is that sometimes the Universe has other plans, and more often than not, they are better plans that you had laid out for yourself. That is why I suggest to add the phrase, “this or something better” to the end of your affirmations.
There will be days where things will happen or you will meet new people that will change the direction of your life, only because you decided to go out that day, even though you really didn’t feel like it. Or you make a difficult or major decision, and you weren’t quite sure it was the right one.
My youngest Daughter Bonnie recently made a major decision to leave her lucrative job at an airline and go into studying full time. As you can imagine that was quite a big decision for her and a huge career change. So, she enrolled, but of-course needed a part-time job to earn some money while she was studying, so she got a job at a local social club doing various duties and loved her job also because it was close to home. And that’s exactly where she met the love of her life, they are now engaged and planning the wedding for next year. If she hadn’t have left her job to study, she possibly never would have met the man she will now spend the rest of her life with.
As they say, when one door seemingly closes another door opens, you just have to keep positive, stay aware, and look to see what it is. Don’t get upset when things don’t unfold as you anticipated. Always remember to ask yourself this question, “What’s the opportunity in this?
I hope I’ve helped you experience your fear and take action anyway. As always I appreciate you listening to me week after week and I hope you’re getting a lot out of it. I would love to hear about any breakthroughs you may have had or even a lightbulb moment, god knows we’ve all had plenty of those.
For further information, you can go to yourroadtosuccesspodcast.com.au where you can download free resources as well as sign up for my Take Back Control Of Your Life 14 Day Challenge which begins at the start of every month.
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I’ll leave you with today’s quote from Peak Performance Expert, Michael Altshuler, who famously said:
“The bad news is time flies, the good news is you’re the pilot.”
Thank you so much for listening, and have a successful week!